I used to think I wanted to be like you.

I used to think I wanted to be like you,

fearless and confident in saying what you said,
or at ease with talking to anyone you had just met
or always having just the right answer;

fearless and brave in death-defying moments,
or at ease with new situations,
or always knowing just how to handle whatever came up;

fearless in facing troubled times,
or at ease with the uncomfortable, the scary, the dangerous,
or always being in control.

I used to think I wanted to be like you.

Yet this morning I sat sewing, creating,
playing with colour and shape and thread and stitch
and I was completely myself.

I didn't want to be anywhere else,
I didn't want to do anything different,
I was completely at ease with things as they were.

I used to think I wanted to be like you,
but now I want to be completely myself,
quiet, and peaceful and creating beauty.

© 22 October 2012

Today I noticed ... part 2

I have been very aware recently of how my mind tends to jump automatically to a negative rather than a positive thought, and I also learnt that for each negative thought we have it takes 7 positive thoughts to redress the balance. 7!!
I've also noticed that particularly among my friends, several of us who are reaching the end of our PhD research, are all having a lot of negative thoughts at the moment, especially centring on "I can't do this"!
So I have resolved to make a special effort to notice the good, the beautiful, the positive and the miracles that tend to get overlooked in the whirl of negativity.
Today I noticed ... is my way of doing this.

Today I noticed, the sunshine, and the wind making the autumn leaves dance
and the unrestrained giggles of a little girl whose hands were sticking out the bottom of her coat instead of down her sleeves, and she just thought this was hilarious!!

What have you noticed?

Today I noticed

Today
I noticed the repetitious cycle of negative thoughts
I was dwelling in,
and looked up to see
a flock of birds swirling majestically
across a blue and white sky.

I noticed
the cotton-woolness of the clouds above me
that turned into lines and layers of shimmering whiteness,
and somewhere
will have a proper name.

I noticed
the blueness of the sky
changed from left to right.
To the left, its depth was navy,
yet barely perceptible through its white duvet cover.
To the right, bold and bright
royalness gleamed fully through specks of clouds.

Today
I noticed
and looked up.

© 15 October 2012

Stay with me

It's so hard to stop from
rushing into the future,
tumbling into this evening,
tomorrow, next week, next year.
'Stay with me' says the present moment.

But there's so much to do,
so much to think about
and Christmas is on its way!
'Be with me' whispers the present moment.

The pull into the future
is almost irresistible, like a wild horse
charging forward without
care or thought for where it is heading.
'Stay with me' smiles the present moment.

And halfway through another gallop forward
I stop
and turn
and hear what is being offered.
Stay with me,
be with me,
stay here.

© 7 October 2012

Control

Do you still think you can control situations
and force them to fit your desires?

Do you also think you can contain the wind,
make the rain stop by praying for it to be so,
or induce the sun to create a happy day, just for you?

Let go, let go,
and instead of rejecting what is,
embrace it.

Open your eyes to the way things are.
And when the wind blows, wear a scarf,
if it rains, take an umbrella,
and when the sun shines, shed your layers and put on sunglasses.

Let go, let go,
and instead of rejecting what is,
embrace it.

© 2 October 2012

This is for you

I'm sending you all my love,
because I know you are hurting a lot.
And if I can't hold your hand,
I'll hold you in my heart.

I'm sending you all my peace,
because I think you have need of it.
And knowing you are peaceful
will make me so too.

I'm sending you all my joy,
as a reminder that it's still possible
to see beyond the hurt,
and reconnect with joy.

I'm sending you all my compassion,
for you to be kind to yourself,
and gently find your way through
the suffering that will not last.

I'm sending you all my hugs,
because I think you need their warmth.
And it costs me nothing
to pass them on to you.

© 1 October 2012