Sunday 31 July 2016

Love so deep

Love so deep is painful
in the letting go
yet better to love and
have a heart shattered
like broken glass
than to live a half-life
of mediocrity.
Better to feel the intensity
of great beauty and great loss
than to live life
only in the shadows.

A shattered heart
can be mended
yet a life half-lived
cannot be undone.

Now is the moment
the only moment.
Dance and dwell and
revel in this moment.
Be with who you are with and
be who you were born to be
now, in this moment.

© 27 Jul 16

Saturday 30 July 2016

Last night I dreamt

Last night I dreamt a strange and wonderful dream. I dreamt I was born a baby, innocent and helpless. I was born into a family who kept trying to tell me I was theirs, but in my heart of hearts I knew I didn't belong; this was not my home. I waited with eager anticipation for the day they would reveal the contents of this secret to me. Yet the day never came! They never unfolded the secret that I knew. As days and weeks, months and seasons turned I began to believe what they told me, that I belonged here, here was my family, my home. And as I believed, I lived with them through the hopes and fears, dreams and disappointments that seemed to be part of the package. Together we celebrated new life and mourned the passing of life into death, which seemed strange and contrary to me. I lived this life with them but I never fully believed the stories that they spun. As weeks and months, seasons and years turned their insistent voices that we were a family grew louder and the secret voice inside my heart grew faint.
One day I met someone who confirmed everything I knew in my heart. They spoke with a voice I understood and recognised. They told me, this so-called life is a dream, a play in which we are called to play our part extremely well, make it so believable yet never forget to remove the costume, wig and make-up backstage. This play is full of dramas, comedies, histories and tragedies, yet none of it is real, none of it is true.
And my heart was satisfied until one day a question came to mind - if this life is not real, not true, what is? I fervently searched for an answer. I looked in books, I enquired with everyone I met, but often they responded with a look of puzzled confusion. I scoured buildings and towns trying to find an answer that would satisfy the yearning in my heart.
Finally I met someone who said - you will never find the answer by searching in this way. Be still! Stop looking! Be silent! Let the answer find you! So I sat and listened. I heard the wind whisper in the trees, I heard the stars sparkle in the night-time sky, I heard the snowflakes as they fell, I heard the birds singing freely in the open sky, I heard families and friends calling jovially to one another. Through it all I heard a sound of oneness. I knew this silence in my heart, when all external activity ceases, was where I belonged, was what I could truly call home. And now I was completely satisfied and I woke up with a smile on my face and a deep contentment in my heart, utterly free.

Wednesday 27 July 2016

I'm grateful

Feel like going home
hibernating under the duvet and
not coming out.
Feel like hiding and
whispering gently
‘make it all go away!
Make it all stop!’

Feeling like pushing
the rewind button
take me back to a time
I felt happy and joyful
instead of sad and disheartened.

Yet this was not so long ago
it’s just this descending grey blanket
dulls everything.
Yesterday, I was happy!
Today I was happy!

This I forget
in the midst of the gloom.
I sit in my car and cry
and write and reflect
what this feels like
while the dripping rain outside
reflects my inner turmoil.

I sit in my car and listen
to the heavy raindrops
beating on metal and I’m
warm and dry inside.
And I’m grateful
I’m grateful!

I’m grateful to know
these emotions will pass
will blow over
like a strong gust
sweeping rainclouds away.

I’m grateful to know
I don’t have to believe
the inner words of
doom and gloom
anger and frustration.

I’m grateful to know
I don’t mind getting wet
because I have a home to go to
people who love me and
people to love.

I’m grateful to know
I can let the storms rage
and clouds pass over the sun
because they are all moving
all changing
not static.
And soon they will be gone.

© 4 Jul 16

Friday 22 July 2016

To a world full of chaos

A new dawn, a new day
all is quiet within
the soft shuffle of a
quiet Sunday morning
yet in this moment
in a world full of turbulence
anger, hate, despair, disbelief
there is much need of
mindfulness and steadiness
within and without.

To a world full of chaos
I offer
my whole-hearted presence
not choosing who or what
is more or less worthy
not choosing to be
limited or partial
I choose to be full
fully present
fully aware
fully loving.

© 17 Jul 16

Monday 18 July 2016

The only word

I have written many words
all of them saying nothing.
I cannot find the words
to express what is present
what is now.
The beauty of this moment
cannot be described
with mundane words.
I search for new ones
unused ones
to describe the indescribable.
I do not need words to know
the beauty of the sunset
only eyes that see.
I do not need words to depict
the glory of this sun-filled morning
only senses that feel.

The only word
is yes!

© 12 Jul 16

Wednesday 13 July 2016

I listen to the wind

I listen to the wind
it has no sound.
I listen to the silence
it has no end
Only the objects the wind meets
butts up against
contain the sound.
Only the senses
organs of perception
restrict what we know.
I listen to the wind
it has no sound.
What am I hearing?
The containers within which
the uncontained rests
I listen to the silence
it has no end.

© 11 Jul 16

Wednesday 6 July 2016

We stand as a forest

I stand as a tree
we stand as a forest
our feet taking root
taking nourishment from the earth.
We stand together
yet not too close
not blocking out
each other’s light.
The earth holds us
cradles and supports us
as a bountiful mother.

I kneel on the earth
face and forearms close to the soil
breathing out my pain and anxiety
let the earth melt away
my sadness.
I stay like a stone
until I feel steady
until I feel strength
from the supporting earth.

I lift my head up
towards the light
feeling warmth
being fed
feeling cared for by the
strong, shining sun.

The earth holds us
cradles and supports us
as a bountiful mother.
I stand as a tree
we stand as a forest
finding strength in each other.

© 4 Jul 16

Tuesday 5 July 2016

White birds flying

The ball has been dropped.
As millions of shards
crash to the ground
spinning in all directions
a lone white bird rises
from the chaos and debris
to soar above
the billowing dust cloud.

Up in calm stillness
it calls for its mate and
hears a welcome reply.
Two white birds soar
dance together
over the wreckage below.

Out of the chaos
more white birds rise
one, two, many
recognising and answering the call
flying, swooping together
they become a wave
a cloud, an ocean.

From above
the vastness of this
murmuration blots out
the debris below
envelopes the dust cloud
in a sea of white.

Descending, the white birds
pick through the shards
of brokenness
moving aside each piece
searching for fresh green shoots
that inevitably lie beneath
building a new home
a safe home

© 5 Jul 16