If I miss meditation today will it matter?

If I miss meditation today will it matter?

The earth will not fall off its axis,
the stars will not stop sparkling nor
the sun stop shining.
Yet I will feel depleted and undernourished
as if the meal I was offered
was barely satisfactory.

The rain will still rain,
the wind will still blow,
the sun and the moon will still rise,
the course of the seasons will not
alter for one millisecond,
yet I will feel the irregularity of my heartbeat
as the heart’s longing for itself
has not been satisfied.

We will still breathe and move
about our usual daily business
and converse and emote and interact
yet these interplays may lack some depth
because I have not plummeted
the depth of my inner being.

If I miss meditation today will it matter?

Spring will still spring
and we will still feel
the enlivening of the senses with the
lengthening of days and
the bursting of new life,
yet my joy will be muted,
as if spring is viewed through a dull curtain
rather than felt and known
in my own racing heartbeat.

The world will not fall into chaos
or destruction or ruination
and war will not befall every nation
yet the energy of peace that can be transmitted
through my interactions
will be lacking,
and the ripples of peace and heartfulness
that undulate out from a meditating heart
will not emerge,
as if a stone has not been dropped into water
but has been withheld.

And I will feel it.
I may miss the first snowdrop saying ‘hello’
and not see the rainbow, but only the darkening rainclouds.
I may mistake you for a stranger
and forget you are my better self,
my teacher, my beloved
in whose happiness my happiness lies.

And I will know,
and I will feel it
because I have not touched reality,
I have not known pure existence without any conditions
and I have not let thinking drop away
to reveal being.
This kindness to myself
may go unnoticed by the world,
but I will know
and I will feel it.

© 9 Feb 2014