Monday, 29 April 2013

"In sooth I know not why I am so sad"

"In sooth I know not why I am so sad",
yet sadness is here and I must embrace it.
Tonight in Sangha we practised
loving kindness meditation
and the effect was to pour forth
a torrent of tears and inexplicable sadness.

I was mean, unworthy, self-critical and self-indulgent.
These and other negative seeds
kept popping their heads up to say hello
and make their presence known.

Loving kindness embraced them
and in a sweet, gentle voice
allowed them to be.
And the sadness
and the tears continued.

The presence of Sangha sisters
practising beside me
kept me in the room
instead of running away.
And when, together, we walked outside

there was a tree to remind me
of the stability that is ever-present
in the trunk, rooted in the earth
despite whatever gales and storms
are shaking the branches.

The sadness did not go
but was acknowledged and
known to be a passing reality.
And this fragile being
with a painful, cracked heart
was nourished by the presence,
silent and spoken,
of my dear Sangha sisters.

© 29 Apr 2013

Sometimes feelings like sadness can come upon us unawares, and take hold with a fierce grip so there is room for nothing else. Last night I felt its grip and found I could do nothing but acknowledge its presence, and gently sit with why it was there. Feelings of inadequacy and wanting to be in control are familiar habit energies that surfaced and I felt very fortunate that I was with my Sangha (the group of people I practice Buddhist meditation with) to be able to receive their energy and nourishment when it seemed I had none. The title of the poem above is from Shakespeare (what a wise man he was!) and the speech finishes with "... such a want-wit sadness makes of me,
That I have much ado to know myself".
That much was pretty obvious last night, if we drown in sorrow and feel as if that is all there is we lose the ability to know ourselves. Again, I was fortunate to be with others last night who know that sadness as well as all other strong emotions that we can be imprisoned by are passing, are impermanent. And so this morning I was blessed to have to get up early to get my son to work for 6am, and the sun was smiling and the birds were singing and the moon was still showing its face and the roads were empty and everything felt ok. It is so important to remember that what feels permanent will pass.
Have a mindful day or mindful moments :)

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